happy new year!

at least it will be in a little less than 5 hours, but i doubt i will be posting at midnight. we'll see, maybe i'll get drunk, forget about all of my worries, and decide it's a really good idea. back from vacation, and boy, could i use another one. i'm off to go pick up a pizza and rent a movie-- don't know what, one of the disadvantages of being an international superstar, err... jet-setting super businessman?... okay, shmuck who just has to travel a lot is that you see almost every movie, including the ones that several shots of vodka, a few glasses of wine, and a few more of port (i never drink port anyplace else but business class, it's good!) can't overcome. there are a lot of really bad movies out there these days. the question: does hollywood not realize they suck or do they just think we'll pay anyway? probably a little of both with a bias toward the latter. this is why i don't watch much tv.

feeble winter

the winter snows and blankets all with a white, harsh death;
i only see the flowers that will be.
the wind blows desperately and cries of relief for its loneliness;
i only hear the life of spring in your voice.
the air is deathly still and lingers heavily with a frigid scent;
i only smell your sweetness.
the ice freezes and crackles threateningly beneath my feet;
i only feel your warmth.
the snow grudgingly melts and bitterly stings my mouth;
i only taster your delight.
the winter and its cold, icicle fingers feebly grasp for my heart,
which lies far beyond reach,
halcyon in your hands.

Rich in Lover's Dark

Brown of fertile Earth, rich in lover's dark,
entangled lost among saccharine whispers,
which holds those sweet eyes unerring from this mark,
where cool breezes flow for willows' whispers.
Tresses contrast over shining, bright brilliance
like the night slowly setting on the sun;
the sun-- your smile, a crescent moon painted,
the stars-- your touch, floating soft and gentle.
Angel, where is your golden halo?
Lost when you came to me? Hidden by your beauty?
It doesn't matter,
you don't need it anyway.
I discern who you really are:
by your inner luminescence,
your ethereal beauty,
your warming glow.

empath

Pitiable
Non-emote,
So many feelings around
while you remain ever rote.
There's your devil
who doesn't care,
To leave this body a soul
when there's so much
raised hell to share.
I'm all right,
if you don't pull and pry
up the stacked happy
That covers and cools me
while I die.

the new year approaches

with the new year nearly upon us, i thought it would be a good time to recount the story of one of my biggest mistakes, failures, screw ups, etc.

this one is chalked up as my biggest adult screw up. although, there have been some other good ones for consideration: running a motorcycle traffic cop off the road (ticket: aggressive driving), almost getting fired for being passive aggressive with an old boss, i dropped out of my first master's degree (i could have completed it, but it wasn't right for me. admitting that and quitting something was not easy), and telling my wife she looked fat in a dress (alright, i made up that last one, but it was funny).

this was a few years ago when i was still an army officer. i was the brilliant, "go-to", hot-shot lieutenant in the battalion and had been brought up to the S-3 shop (operations, it's where everything is run) to be a Battle Captain/Ops Officer. every year, for the 4th of july, the brigade ran a festival for the post (Fort Hood, largest post in the world) consisting of various activities and a carnival; to put the size in perspective, we had around 30-40,000 visitors in the 10-12 hours it was open to the public culminating in a fireworks show. one of the marquee events is the 5/10k run that a 2LT was in charge of. summarizing the situation, he was an idiot who did nothing. so, with about 1 1/2-2 months to go, i was tapped to go in and fix the situation (remember, i'm so wonderful [if you think i'm being arrogant, there's a heavy irony awaiting at the end of this story]). so, i started coordinating everything which was a little difficult because there wasn't much time left and it wasn't my company providing the NCO's (senior enlisted) and soldiers who would staff the event, so they didn't know me that well. anyway, i think we pulled it together pretty well: course mapped, personnel assigned to every street, signs, blown-up maps of the course, communications, awards, special timers, coordination with the MP's (military police) to block off traffic at major points, etc.

morning of: get everyone there around 0330 to set everything up, review last-minute issues, and generally ensure that there's enough time for it to go off without a hitch. i think the 5k began at 0715 and the 10k at 0720. around 0600, i would have liked to have toured the course in a vehicle to double-check everything, but i can't because traffic has been brought to a stand-still. no matter, i have people deployed through the whole course, we're good. hmm, still haven't heard from the MP's... went to the HQ tent, no, they haven't heard anything either.
"well, can you try to find them for me?"
"we'll see."
oh, nearly forgot, we have a new brigade commander; he's been there about 2-3 weeks and he's looking to burnish his reputation with this being his first big event that all of the generals will see. i have assured him numerous times leading up to this event that it will go off without a hitch. 0715 comes, "bang!", and they're off. walkie-talkie communication from the first checkpoint,
"uh, sir, there are no MP's at the major intersection right below us."
"hmm, damnit, ok, ok, it's a good thing we have 2 soldiers at every point, so one of you go down to stop traffic so the runners don't get run over."
"roger, out".
brief explanation of this checkpoint; there is a sergeant and a private who are one block north of said intersection. they are at the turning point for the 5k; the 10k goes straight through. in case there is any confusion, there is a sign at the aforementioned intersection pointing straight ahead, there is a color-coded sign at their checkpoint instructing 5k runners to turn off, and both of them have detailed maps of the course reinforcing what the signs say.
so, the first few 5k runners finish and run straight toward me streaming numerous expletives which they also were kind enough to provide with sign language in case i was deaf. hmm, it turns out that the PVT had not only not stopped traffic, but had turned them short and into the traffic as the new course path. the brigade commander was in this race; he was quite pleased with my performance so far. i remember standing at attention (i had to start giving updates every 5 minutes at this point, which it made kind of difficult to manage as the rest of it fell apart) and being informed on what a godsend i was to the military uniform. ah, but dear readers, it gets so much better...
where are the 10k runners? it's been over an hour, someone must have finished by now. okay, start radioing checkpoints: yes, yes, yes, no? start walking back down the street and see if you can find out what's going on. a few minutes pass.
"yeah?"
"there's a soldier from A co here for the Volksmarch."
"the Volksmarch?" one of the other events was a Volksmarch; apparently, it intersected my course which had never been told to me. the courses were given to us, so, somebody had to know this, they just never bothered to pass the information along. well, that can't be the problem, i mean, who could possibly confuse runners wearing numbers and running with volksmarchers, who just strolled around?...
"yeah, i guess he thought that they were off course and turned them on to the Volksmarch course..."
".... nevermind, i think i see some of them just now showing up."
a second wave of very angry runners appears and repeats the first group's performance of philadelphia eagle's fans toward me. then, both groups decide to now debate over who should actually be awarded what place. just before this, at one of my 5 minute reports, my bde cdr actually took an involuntary step toward me as if he wanted to strike me. fortunately, our deputy brigade commander stepped in to help me out at this point; he took the microphone, and i don't remember exactly what he said, but he did quell the mob enough that they put away the lynching rope they had been brandishing in my direction. i took up his cue, and i managed to talk them all down to a level of bubbling (as open to open) mutiny (i believe i joked that we appreciated their participation in the first annual fort hood marathon and got a photographer to take their pictures).

the after-effects: i went back and had to write a personal apology to the community that was not only published on the front page of the paper, but they put it in a nice red shaded box so it was the first thing that drew your attention. in addition, someone had the bright idea that i should map every conceivable distance that the 10k runners could have possibly and ran, and publish that as well. there are two positive things that came out of this public humiliation: 1) i was banned from ever participating in the event again; i believe that my legend is still invoked each year when they prepare for it; and 2) the NCO's came up and told me how much they appreciated what i did for them. i had taken full responsibility and, as you have read, the brunt of the consequences. they appreciated that i had done this and not let the soldiers all get burned. the way i see it, that was the right thing to do. they did the best that they could, and two small things went wrong that cascaded beyond immediate control, that's entropy in life. i lost my reputation as the hot LT, but i didn't let the situation get to me. i bounced back and learned from the experience.

i don't know how this story reads to an outside observer. i have been in far more stressful situations on ops in egypt, in sere school, deployment ops, etc., but never had a series of mistakes leave me in that kind of position. they say it's lonely to be a leader, and it certainly gets a lot lonelier when everything goes wrong.

more than said

Cheeks burning with modesty,
Framing an unchecked grin,
But, there's something more telling
In your eyes twinkling with sin.
Fingers stray without reason
To wanting skin that feels
the old and new nights of memory
That desires, but fears what it reveals.

animal cruelty

animals embody an innocence and truth that is in the core of all of us-- just hidden by our humanity. ironically, it is this humanity that they are subjected to as our pets (dogs, cats), our food (cattle), and our products (fur). i think most of us have some idea of what goes on beneath the floorboards of our society, but prefer to turn a blind eye to the specifics. as the expression goes, don't name something you're going to eat. i think it would be beneficial for all of us to have a greater appreciation for our food and its origins, and not just meat, but the entire chain of food. i know from personal experience where i have had to actually kill with my barehands to eat that i will not forget what that means. we may rest comfortably on the thin veneer of civilization that allows us to remain aloof from such primordial behavior, but it is who we were.

anyway, the real topic was something incredibly shocking that i heard this evening. actually, i wasn't shocked. my first comment was "what do you expect from a culture that places such a low value on human life?" apparently, in china, there is a practice (i don't know how common) of skinning dogs alive for their fur. supposedly, they need to be alive to better preserve the fur. [be forewarned, the last link is very graphic] the good news, the US has recently passed legislation to prevent these products from coming here. i'm so sad that mankind can still commit such atrocities. i continue to remain optimistic that one day most us will just get it. we'll understand life, in us and in all things. death is absolutely necessary, but cruelty, never.

who are we

what makes us who we are? is it our actions alone that define us? it is certainly our actions that allow those around us to perceive who we are, but this perception must certainly be through the lens of their understanding. this lens will color the reality of us. another part: labels, often, they feel ill-fitting and constraining-- at the worst, they are falsehoods that drive us to behavior, thoughts, and feelings other than who we are. how much of who we are is defined by our ability to conform? there is a minimal requirement placed on each of us to appease our obligation to the social contract. but, how many of us actually slack off and meet the minimum, or instead, let it insinuate itself inside our core being until we're not sure where we left off and it begins. each of us has our own unique value system and internal logic. to clarify, this is not a meandering thought on our purpose in life; i'm clear on that. more, this is a question of who exactly each of us is and how that correlates to our role/purpose in society. c'est la vie.

saw my best friend of 15 years today and we caught up over lunch. she is doing well out of law school and has been clerking in the district court here in DC. we shared our knowledge of all of the people we knew from back then and where they were now and how they've changed. going out to georgetown tonight with my brother to spend some time with him. i got to spend a few solid hours with my father yesterday talking about a lot of the issues contributing to my current malaise which had a very pleasant after-effect; somewhat short-term i suppose, but smile when you can.

heroes

my friend psyche's blog was ruminating on who her heroes are. that raised the interesting question in my mind, "what is a hero"? clearly, there is a lot of subjectivity involved. one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist. so, the cause/idea that they are identified with would be another variable for consideration. is it what they do? is it how they do it? is it the end result? how many heroes do we revere failed? che guevara is considered a hero in some circles, but the communist revolution withered (although, there is a strong socialist resurgence in that area of the world right now...). mao tse tung's policies are discredited by modern China's burgeoning market economy. additionally, many of the heroes that psyche nominated were involved in the military and all of them were men. she has only one, alfred north whitehead, who is not attached to religion (directly) or military affairs for recognition. i think it is our natural inclination to ascribe great value to military achievements- it's literally the apex of the human condition. there is no greater adversity that can be confronted than war. but, is it military endeavors that advance humanity? i would suggest this is not true as a rule. it is the attainment of concept built upon a structured precedent-- ironically, conflict tends to degrade this ability. i believe that the definition of a hero is split by this dichotomy: heroes certainly must be those who distinguish themselves in great adversity, but surely they must also be those who contribute significantly? perhaps this also is a form of adversity, since they must overcome the adversity of an intellectual paradigm?

a short list of heroes with a focus on females who appear to have been overlooked on the referenced list:
rosa parks
marie curie
susan b. anthony
golda meir
indira gandhi
rosalind franklin
barbara jordan
shirley chisholm
[definitely subjective for the next two]
oprah winfrey
martha stewart

albert einstein
nicolaus copernicus
galileo galilei
leonardo davinci [inventions]
aristotle
plato
confucius
buddha
martin luther

[okay, cut short, but you get the idea]

life on pause

i think i have an explanation for the writer's block earlier and general malaise that has been affecting me lately, life feels like it's on "pause". i feel that i will be back on "play" again some time in early january. until then, i guess i'll hang out watching a fuzzy image (metaphorically).

ah, one bright light! the Redskins beat the Giants yesterday. i forced my father to watch the game with me; he's a cross between a die-hard and fairweather fan. he's fairweather because he will only watch when they're good, and rabid since it's too painful for him to watch them lose. great game. one more and they're in the play-offs.

let's see, anything else worthy of mention... i'll leave a note here to remind me later, i would like to do a little political/philosophical exploration on the right level of government. if anybody has any ideas, then please post them here as a prelude to discussion; a short list of general government philosophies to stir up the juices (in no particular order): minarchist, libertarian, republican, totalitarian, communist, marxist, anarcho-capitalist, fundamentalist (religious), and anarchist.

oh, also, new poem (What was) published for the 18th that had been sitting in draft posts waiting for me to decide if it was done; now feels done.

Merry xmas!

First of all, Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday, be it with families, friends, or a good bottle of scotch. I have no pictures to post to provide an adequate graphical description of the carnage and detritus of commercial good cheer (presents) that left few survivors at my parents' house this morning from beansprout. She made out like a bandit. My parents gave me a framed picture of Trophy Point at West Point which has many memories from when they visited me and we would walk there overlooking the Hudson-- it's even nicer because most of my mementos were lost during a massive theft last year. Well, pics will be posted before the new year when I return to my techno-haven in Florida.

I feel like I have so much to write about and share, but the words are just not flowing. Well, no reason to force it, so I will sign off and hopefully not go so many days without posting again.

Little by Little

Musical Album Review: Harvey Danger's Little by Little

First of all, kudos to the band for producing their first album in 5 years. Most of you probably will remember them from their hit single, Flagpole Sitta, in the late 90's. Since then, well, not much has happened for them commercially and I think they experienced the growing pains of a band that looks like it's made its break, but then finds itself relegated to the "one-hit-wonder" category. I think most bands deserve this award, but HD didn't end up there because of lack of talent; I think the problem is that they are a cerebral band that doesn't translate well into catchy pop melodies.

This album features more use of piano than previously heard and it is used extensively for melodic tempo. I'm usually not a big fan of this kind of music, but they do an all right job [two other bands that do well with pianos: Muse and Ben Folds Five (okay, so this one is built around him and his piano, but it still counts)]. They're pop rock throw-away is Cream and Bastards Rise which is getting airplay on the West Coast (they're a Seattle band)-- usually the pop-rock single will be the best bet for easy listening in an album and it's almost true on this one. My favorite song is Moral Centralia which has a very sanguine beginning that works in a slightly distorted guitar rift creating the instrumental layers to support the searching, introspective lyrics. If you look at the words too hard, it's a little whiny, but I don't know anyone who has handled a relationship break-up (that wasn't mutual) without sinking to deep depths of personal self-pity. Overall, this is an okay album, it won't knock your socks off, but it's nice to see them still working at it. You get the sense that they're still searching for the right combination. One really cool thing, their album is available for free from their website: Harvey Danger. Go check it out for yourself!

Overall Grade: B-

Resolution

Profound Wisdom says,
I should change my life right now,
Wrong fortune cookie.

Greatest Ride Ever!

Stand in line for hours,
World's Greatest Ride awaits me,
Damn! Ride closed.

chinese at disney

Sick MSG smells,
Screaming kids, adults fake cheer,
Disney tries chinese.

disney ho!

well, packing up the family and driving over to disney. i'll post some pics of our foray upon return. we'll probably end up going to magic kingdom to cater to my daughter's wishes; although, i still haven't been to animal kingdom.

i watched bush's address to the nation last night. i think he needs to mix it up with his speechwriters, but overall, he had the right tone: accountability, humility, and an appeal to the country to see this through.

What was

What was mended-
breaks,
What was tended-
takes,
What was upended-
wakes.

god loves his children

Grey wraps 'round
like a cool, callous fog,
miring me further in
a festering bog.
My feckless foundering serves only to
send eddying currents through the mist,
That won't part for a path.

i've lost myself.

football and ROE

I watched the Patriots kills the Buc's yesterday (28-0); today, it's the Chargers over the Colts (currently 16-0 in 3rd QTR). I have to admit, I'd like to see the Colts go undefeated. Couldn't care less otherwise about them, but football history would be better for it. As for the Buc's, I'm on the fence about them. Okay, it won't be a shut-out, they just kicked a FG. Even though, I live in Tampa Bay now, I just can't quite rally behind them when I watch.

I found this one guy's blog who calls himself "Middle Class Guy". He was ranting about general annoyances under the guise of the usual "feels good to be a white guy Christian" in a judeo-Christian [sic] country. First one, haven't heard it this season yet, "Screw all y'all "Happy Holiday" people. I don't care if you're offended, Merry Christmas!" [paraphrased sentiment, not actual quote] I don't know anybody who is offended by Merry Christmas. I'm Jewish. I also happen to celebrate Christmas (complicated upbringing-- some Jewish, some Southern-Baptist, and some agnostic humanism). It's not a question of businesses offending certain people-- they are making the cognizant choice of trying to be inclusive of all customers, as opposed to accidentally excluding a few. Christmas shouldn't be about commerce anyway, so is it inhibiting your religious freedoms any? Wow, now a TD; I must be a good luck charm for the Colts. The second half is its use in public institutions: government, schools, etc. This gets a little mazy. Constitutionally, it's verboten, which I guess is all that matters.

One other post got my goat. He explained we should support the military because they're middle class. I'm too irritated to go into the full explanation. It was essentially regurgitated Ann Coulter bullshit, ie - "I am an ignorant civilian who thinks that Democrats are destroying our country's will to fight (to be fair, they're not exactly helping) and we need to throw out those stupid Rules of Enagement that keep our god-fearin' soldiers from just killing them heathen rag-heads and fixin' the damn war right away" [should be read with a Midwest twang].

Well, if you like to visit and add to my post that I have submitted [we'll see if it gets published]:
http://middleclassguy.blogspot.com/.

Geez, Colts are now up 17-16. 17 points in minutes. Intuition tells me that they still won't win the Super Bowl though; I think Manning will suffer the same fate as Marino.

freakin' a at 7a

i've been sitting here on the computer, checking email, reading random articles, and just generally happy. all of the sudden. the phone rings. it must be my brother. who else would call at 7 am on a Sunday [he's a 13-14 hour time difference in japan]. but, no, it's a wrong number. he's very apologetic. okay. 5 seconds later. phone rings again. i knew it was the same guy. this time. he sounded a little drunk. however. he didn't call back. i'm not explaining this very well, but something definitely seemed off about the whole exchange.

written with wacky wi-fi

this post comes courtesy of my neighbor's wi-fi. which one, i don't know; i've checked the mailboxes and haven't found anybody with the last name "linksys" or "netgear". sorry. why would someone hook up a WAP and not secure it? oh well, i'll just think of it as a neighborhood service until i finally install my own (it will be secured). the county just north of me was looking at installing and offering wi-fi, but after developing the whole plan, they learned that they don't own the utility poles they were going to use. whoops.

entropy

i knew when i started this blog that i would eventually have to discuss the meaning of entropy and not in a semantic sense. be forewarned, this is about to get very technical. usually, i prefer to discuss these concepts in an abstract sense with the mathematics assuming an underyling foundation as opposed to explicitly introducing them-- it just gets in the way for the reader. so, here we go...

Foundational model for the universal environment: The proposed system for the universe rests on subsets of infinite Hilbert spaces-- a mathematical concept for finite sub-systems whereupon every Cauchy sequence [general distribution of probability density] converges to a singular element (be it a point, plane, etc.). Essentially, this establishes that entropy does not exist within the subsystem (open, not closed or isolated since this does not exist in reality) because the norm of their collective differences would eventually approach a limiting factor (usually 0). Within the realm of quantum mechanics, these spaces are mathematically assumed to have measurable states that can be ascribed to a unit vector (in reality, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle would negate such a possibility furthering entropy by merely measuring the system). From a real world perspective, a Hilbert space could never exist; mathematically in this context of infinite dimensions (ie- the universe), it will always be isomorphic and will always have an orthonormal basis according to Zorn's Lemma (since it defines a maximal bound and a space is separable IFF it has a countable sequence satisfying the condition which it will). So, a better model might be to use a Banach space which defines infinite-dimensional spaces that contain functions since this is essentially what a macro-model of infinitely separable Hilbert spaces creates. However, either one will suit our needs.

The principles: The next two theories will expound upon our foundational environment and describe the behaviors at play. Perturbation Theory defines a set of approximations that will describe a complicated quantum system relative to a simpler system (ie- the reason we had to define our sub-systems in the preceding paragraph). The second principle is the Schrödinger equation [link provides an excellent graphic of the equation with explanations] which establishes the time dependence of our quantum mechanical system. Remember that measurable state I mentioned? Well, let's treat the measurement of that state as a vector (could be many different things here: time, momentum, direction-- it's academic since we're examining entropy and any part of a vector can contribute to the overall perturbation of the system). I recognize the implicit limitations of the Perturbation theory within this state since it can only describe idealized states (hence our focus on the sub-systems). The evolution of the theory in this direction would lead us to the realization that our model, if it were adiabatically derived in keeping with the Second Law of Thermodynamics, then all of isolated sub-systems would interact with each other contributing to the overall entropy of the system (the universe). Why? Well, at first glance, two neighboring sub-systems would naturally try to achieve equilibrium. We can intuitively derive that conclusion, but doesn't that contradict entropy? Yes, within an isolated sub-system this could be true, but the overall system's entropy has now increased. This is the Third Part of the Second Law. Unfortunately, it can only apply to isolated systems. It would break down anyway because recent scientific measurements have indicated that the universe is still creating matter [anybody who can find an article that shows this-- it would be appreciated, i read this several years ago, but can't find anything now].

Now to tangible life. Human beings (life) can be thought of as one of these sub-systems and we create many wonderful ordered things-- appliances, buildings, infrastructure, etc. Life in itself must have an innate ability to counteract entropy or else it could not exist (at least not in a way that we can currently comprehend). How would our bodies maintain themselves if our internals could not guarantee their coordination with each other within set physical parameters? As time moves on, we will procreate and establish increased order over exponentially increasing sub-systems (our progeny, inventions, etc.); ironically, this will exponentially contribute to entropy within the overall system. This is because to create order (establish an equilibrium of systems as described in the previous paragraph) we must convert energy to support this new construct. As you know, there is no 100% efficient way to convert energy; most often, this displaced energy is "lost" as heat, hence contributing to the thermodynamic entropy of the overall system. Life itself creates entropy. H(t) in the Schrödinger equation is the total energy of the system which means that all of the potential [break].

Sorry, this is going to get cut short. Please provide comments; I admit that there may be some gaps in logic and I glossed over some other parts, but I have been harangued by my family for the past hour making it a little difficult to concentrate and ultimately forcing me to cut this short. TBC...

welcome again in several languages

wow, what a great feeling. i have had visitors from japan, singapore, india, and several states within the US. even if you have landed here by mistake, please leave some comments.

early morning musings

it's early here. there is something very calming about an early morning before the household and the rest of the world has woken up. you can get the same effect in the middle of the night, but i suspect that usually will have some querulous, self-pitying aspect of insomnia. no, give me an early morning any day.

last day of work was yesterday before the new year. off to DC next week for 10 days with the families and i finally get to see my brother who i haven't seen in a year (he lives in japan). it's odd that we only have one family-centric time of the year. i believe that these holidays have less to do with religion and more to do with the eventual manifestation of cultural morés. essentially, western culture only encourages us to come together as a family once a year (winter holiday - xmas and t-giving blur together). i wonder if this was based on a morbid realization that you were coming together with your family one last time before the long starvation of winter settled across the land. that could be based on tangible (dark ages, literally no real food for months) or psychological (modern days, plenty of food, but other factors at play) currents at play. you could make an argument for easter in the spring, but i don't think that is as wide-spread. summers seem reserved for individual units of the family to go running off on their own to exotic locations like disney world (it loses that feeling when you live right next to it).

on that note, i'm leaving an early morning picture from england of a small park in the town center of cheltenham for contemplation.

friday

well, friday is finally here, although almost over. woke up feeling under the weather this morning-- i guess this is the penalty for living with a 2 year old in preschool and my wife who teaches there as well. i don't know why they spend all of their time worrying about esoteric NBC research in the far reaches of rogue nation states. the next man-made plague will be some mutated concoction that began in a preschool. be warned! the future of earth will be teachers (built up immunity), hardy children between the ages of 2 and 4, and cockroaches!

something good

I feel that I should make an effort to balance these posts out with definite good things that we can all appreciate:

• Girl Scout cookies - I was disappointed when some gummy candy showed up this year, but supposedly the cookies will be forthcoming in February. Thank God. Hey, check out the popularity of the different cookies. I'm a Samoa fan-- chocolate and coconut, there is no better combination in life.
  

• 25% Thin Mints
• 19% Samoas®/Caramel deLites™
• 13% Peanut Butter Patties®/Tagalongs®
• 11% Peanut Butter Sandwich/Do-si-dos™
• 9% Shortbread/Trefoils

• A First kiss - nothing can bring a warm, fuzzy sensation from your toes to the top of your head like this memory (and the actual event). Two people (when the number goes up, then it's not warm and fuzzy, when it goes down, well, that's just sad) finally connecting in mutual surrender to their core feelings.

• Ipod - hours upon hours of my favorite radio station (my music) at my behest. Steve Jobs, I take back everything I said from my geek days in the 90's. What an absolutely gorgeously designed and engineered device. You hold one of these in your hand and you just know that humanity can overcome any obstacle through sheer genius and willpower.
  

No, I don't work for Apple, Girl Scouts, or the First Date industry.

Ténèbres

no soft epiphany delivers and
enlightens,
so i grapple with the unknown that
frightens.
why haven't you written?

we do talk, but we
don't,
At least of consequence we
won't.
why are we so afraid?

i feel and know the nagging doubt and
pain,
it struggles in my heart as well in
vain.
why can't i hold you?

you stalk freshly in my delicious
mind,
wreaking lust and shivers ever
kind.
why did i say no?

okay, okay, okay

Okay, so what the heck am I doing. Unfortunately, I have to post all of the poetry here to allow it to be referenced later from the sidebar later. I promise that I will not inundate this blog with my poor writing consistently. Well, not this writing, but that writing. Otherwise, there's no blog. Just had to sneak in this disclaimer.

levantine

Floating roses conjure images lurid
Contrasting well with hidden night’s florid;
Thus sets the scenery to the orange scene
Where whispers whisk like a cold man’s shiver,
They’re flippant-- they float, challenge, and dream,
Landing softly, but invoking a soft quiver.
Ah, the effects, how they are lorded!
Roses and grapes were never so sordid.

The whispering willows wondering went

The whispering willows wondering went
Changing to why the sky is bent,
Rent,
Torn,
And growing from the blood they’re born,
As bitter ivy kills the tree forlorn.

A lingering sense of something more

A patio made of cold adobe floor
Built of the dirt and bones of yesteryear and nevermore.

Corked wine leaks from a cracked gourd,
Languishing acrid in an early twilight
Prolonging the slippery delay toward
The sweet caress of a wanting night.
A pour steeped in the ground
Brings a sharp wish for a sliced end;
The strength to break it found
By a paternal need to tend.

Wishes in white

creamy pale on the ocean white,
singing the aria of songbird's delight--
a tortured path on Alongquin slope,
a memory's dream of night's new hope.

A plan that isn't

A plan, a night,
A kiss, a fight,
A chance, I might.

avatar

possible pic as mascot...

silly signposts sliding slowly by

It's insidious-- our slide into a vacant, vapid state of affairs as a species. It strikes me as ironic that this can only be considered relative to our potential. You could never accuse a marsupial (kangaroo or otherwise) of inane behavior. It's explained through instinct, reactive actions to immediate physical stimuli, or an innocent playful nature. Our intelligence allows us the conceit to describe them as such.

Okay, so what inspired this silly little tangent? Well, Itunes offered a free download courtesy of Miss Jaguar Wright. These wonderful lyrics leapt out of their 30 seconds of preview fame:

"When trouble smells like chronic,

Let me be your gin and tonic."

Umm... well, thank you for that contribution. Where are the flashing lights that let us know which way we're going? Let me see if I can find a few real quick...

A) Going to hell in a handbasket (or at least shopping in Walmart). Mmm... consumer avarice gone awry. Very American.

B) What alternate moral universe do we think we live in? As a former Army officer, this one just kicks me in the stomach.

C) Hey, why not? Let's move Israel to Alaska. Revisionist History: no Holocaust, Jerusalem was just south of Anchorage, or was it Fort Greely?

All's well, that ends well. =) We'll get through this. Paint it black, then think it white.

irrational me

A muse that inspires doubt
like an oneiric bird of night,
That bites soft hand with mouth,
And flees gold cage by flight.
But, what counsel can we keep
When wisdom counsels sleep?

You poke and probe
In your attempts to disrobe
Some palatable part to see;
Holding naked
an elusive, irrational me.

Grr....

My welcome post has disappeared. I'm not used to managing a website through a 3G interface. It's so much easier when you have access to the source code and files right there on the server. Let's see if this one sticks. Not that it says much, but at least I will feel validated.


Hey, look, random pic with no meaning or context! ------->

Welcome

I didn't name this blog "Entropy is Life" to begin some quixotic rant on anarchy or chaos in general. In fact, I briefly considering titling it frisson. While, I didn't like the way that sounded, the intent is there. Life is beautiful in its unbridled, variable nature-- we should all appreciate that. I will use this blog to post all of the vagaries and wonders of my humble existence along with suitably poignant and sarcastic insights (wouldn't mind having external comments to assist there!). To round it all off, I will wax philosphic (not in a cloying manner) on anything that strikes my fancy at large.

Oh yeah, who am I. Well, that's what the bio section is for.

Yes, I will work on the color scheme...