I was thinking today

And, yes, that can be dangerous. This came about due to a post in my economics class where there was more fretting about China. I won't include my full response here, but I posted a brief excerpt from Catch-22 to highlight my point that you don't have to be #1 to win. Our collective consciousness (and memory which appears to be perpetually 20 years long at best) shudders at this logic.

Nately, a young soldier, is in a brothel in Italy talking to an old man.

"America ," he said, "will lose the war. And Italy will win it." "America is the strongest and most prosperous nation on earth," Nately informed him with lofty fervor and dignity. "And the American fighting man is second to none".

"Exactly", agreed the old man pleasantly, with a hint of taunting amusement. Italy, on the other hand, is one of the least prosperous nations on earth. And the Italian fighting man is probably second to all. And that's exactly why my country is doing so well in this war while yours is doing so poorly.

Nately guffawed with surprise, then blushed apologetically for his impoliteness. "I'm sorry I laughed at you," he said sincerely, and he continued in a tone of respectful condescension. "But Italy was occupied by the Germans and is now being occupied by us. You don't call that doing very well, do you?"

"But of course I do," exclaimed the old man cheerfully. "The Germans are being driven out, and we are still here. In a few years you will be gone, too, and we will still be here. You see, Italy is really a very poor and weak country, and that's what makes us so strong. Italian soldiers are not dying anymore. But American and German officers are. I call that doing extremely well. Yes, I am certain that Italy will survive this war and still be in existence long after your own country has been destroyed."

Nately could scarcely believe his ears. He had never heard such shocking blasphemies before, and he wondered with instinctive logic why the why G-men did not appear to lock the traitorous old man up. "America is not going to be destroyed!" he shouted passionately.

"Never?" prodded the old man softly.

"Well..." Nately faltered.

The old man laughed indulgently, holding in check a deeper, more explosive delight. His goading remained gentle. "Rome was destroyed, Greece was destroyed, Persia was destroyed, Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you really think your own country will last? Forever? Keep in mind that the earth itself is destined to be destroyed by the sun in twenty-five million years or so.

Nately squirmed uncomfortably. "Well, forever is a long time, I guess."

"A million years?" persisted the old man with keen, sadistic zest. "A half million? The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with it's fighting man that is second to none, and with its standard of living that is the highest in the world, will last as long as the... frog?"

Nately wanted to smash his leering face. He looked about imploringly for help in defending his county's future against the obnoxious calumnies of this sly and sinful assailant. He was disappointed. Yossarian and Dunbar were busy in a far corner pawing orgiastically at four or five frolicsome girls and six bottles of red wine, and Hungry Joe had long since tramped away down one of the mystic hallways, propelling before him like a ravening despot at as many of the broadest-hipped young prostitutes as he could contain in his frail windmilling arms and cram onto one double bed [...]

"How old are you?" Nately asked, growing intrigued and charmed with the old man in spite of himself.

"A hundred and seven." The old man chuckled heartily at Nately's look of chagrin. "I see you don't believe that either."

"I don't believe anything you tell me," Nately replied with a bashful, mitigating smile. "The only thing I do believe is that America is going to win this war."

"You put so much stock in winning wars," the grubby iniquitous old man scoffed. "The real trick lies in losing wars, in knowing which wars can be lost. Italy has been losing wars for centuries, and just see how splendidly we've done nonetheless. France wins wars and is in a continual state of crises. Germany loses and prospers. Look at our own recent history. Italy won a war in Ethiopia and promptly stumbled into serious trouble. Victory gave us such insane delusions of grandeur that we helped start a world war we hadn't a chance of wining. But now that we are losing again, everything has taken a turn for the better, and we certainly will come up on top again if we succeed in being defeated."

Nately gaped at him in undisguised befuddlement. "Now I really don't understand what you're saying. You talk like a madman."

"But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top, and I an an anti-fascist now that he has been deposed. I was fanatically pro-German when the Germans were here to protect us against the Americans, and now that the Americans are here to protect us against the Germans I am fanatically pro-American. I can assure you, my outraged young friend" - the old man's knowing, disdainful eyes shown even more effervescently as Nately's stuttering dismay increased - "that you and your country will have no more loyal partisan in Italy than me - but only as long as you remain in Italy."

"But," Nately cried out in disbelief, "you're a turncoat! A time-server! A shameful, unscrupulous opportunist!"

"I am a hundred and seven years old," the old man reminded him suavely.

"Don't you have any principles?"

"Of course not."

"No morality?"

"Oh, I am a very moral man," the villainous old man assured him with satiric seriousness, stroking the bare hip of a buxom black-haired girl with pretty dimples who had stretched herself seductively on the other arm of his chair. He grinned at Nately sarcastically as he sat between both naked girls in smug and threadbare splendor, with a sovereign hand on each.

"I can't believe it," Nately remarked grudgingly, trying stubbornly not to watch him in relation to the girls. "I simply can't believe it.

"But it's all perfectly true. When the Germans marched into the city, I danced in the streets like a youthful ballerina and shouted 'Heil Hitler' until my lungs were hoarse. I even waved a small Nazi flag that I had snatched away from a beautiful little girl while her mother was looking the other way. When the Germans left the city, I rushed out to welcome the Americans with a bottle of excellent brandy and a basket of flowers. The brandy was for myself, of course, and the flowers were to sprinkle upon our liberators. There was a very stiff and stuffy old major riding in the first car, and I hit him squarely in the eye with a red rose. A marvelous shot! You should have seen him wince."

on a more personal level, don't take yourself so seriously. i'm going to try not to. [grin]
--brio

IAD!

Hanging out in the red carpet lounge (D concourse, much nicer than the other two in C)-- I've been here about 2 hours now. Caught the 0600 flight (got up at 0400) and am just counting down the hours until my parents arrive early this afternoon.

I was supposed to have a phone call with my boss this morning who I haven't talked to in about 2 weeks, but even though he accepted the meeting, he didn't really. Yeah, me too. I pushed the phone call even though he was trying to get off to make sure that he did the 2 things that I needed while I'm on vacation (yep, day 3 of it, who would've guessed). I may have been a little too blunt on the second issue. Impatience from 4 months of watching certain people screw with progress tends to aggravate me occasionally. I think I'm on the downslope with this-- usually, I'm very balanced, diplomatic, urbane. All sorts of wonderful adjectives that describe a middle manager who knows how to expertly achieve his objectives through the scorched land of bureaucratic private enterprise, outright incompetence, and leadership? (that's one word, the punctuation is inclusive). Lately, I find my patience fraying on occasion. It's ironic, I spend so much of my time keeping the glue together with others who are baying to become frothing malcontents. I guess this is the disadvantage when you have no one gluing the gluer (new word?). Anyway, I wasn't rude or boorish or anything so simple, but I felt a delicious sense of antiphrasis as this self-proclaimed tough-talking, former football (football = soccer) director abruptly ended the phone call at my pointed (and herewith summarized) exposition,
"why is he involved in this at all?"
"well, do you want to do it." [that should be a question, but I felt he meant it as a statement]
"yes, give it to me; i'll get it done." [I took it the way I wanted to]
"bye."
"bye."


=) ah, progress. in reality, the he will waffle, tap-dance, and any other verb that describes his ability to continue to halt progress through sheer ego and incompetence while maintaining control.

ah, catharsis. of that, we can be assured for now-- the reliable scourge that prevents us from those nascent nihilistic tendencies.

--brio

The Unauthorized American British Dictionary

I promised, and so I shall deliver. Attached are excerpts from my Unauthorized American British Dictionary that I have written. It is a beautiful, full-color manuscript.

Format.
Word. (classification [n, v, etc.].] Definition.
Etymology or Explanation.
Usage in Context.

Beautiful (adj.) can be used to describe the quality and enjoyment of food.
I guess calling your food beautiful is easier than having to lie daily to your spouse about their appearance. Unless you’re eating an American steak, the food is a lot less likely to talk back.

Context – “That steak was beautiful.” Steak replies, “You’re not so bad looking yourself.”

Boot (n.) trunk.
Boot? For trunk? Hey, it’s a sparsely populated and relatively isolated island, there must be a high number of illegal substances per capita. Or it could be a throwback to ye olde medieval days again when the only luggage anyone ever carried was a spare pair of boots and not clothes--, that’s why everybody used to stink.

Context - “Throw your luggage in the boot.”

Clart (n.) mate or bloke.
About a thousand years ago, everyone was named Clarence. Those were simpler times for a simpler people. Everyone was your friend. It wasn’t a question of when you befriended someone because you were always a friend of Clarence. Well, time shortens all things and Clarence became Clar. They realized that wasn’t very clear and added a “t”. Now, we would say that clarified things, but being simpler times, they thought it clart things right up. Who better to keep things clart for you then a good mate?

Context – “Where’s your clart you’re always hanging around with?”

Daft (adj.) stupid, ignorant.
Has the same meaning in American English, but rarely used in common vernacular. The etymology traces back to Ancient Greek, when Hippocrates was classifying the world’s many plants for their medicinal properties. Daffodils, being the least intelligent of all fauna and baring a resemblance to a yellow toga-wearing individual named, Bill, were noted by this esteemed individual and dubbed, “Daft os Bill” which translates loosely as “Daft as Bill” in Ancient Greek. Note: this is also the first historical record of the usage of the name, “Bill”.

Context - “That daft bugger requested ten copies of the justification, including three copies over email! Does he want me to send it to him in three different emails?!?”

Jumper (n.) sweater.
Neither the American nor the British words work well for this one. Are you more likely to leap in the UK when wearing said garment? I should think not. And you are unlikely to perspire, since you wear the clothing when it’s cold outside. Maybe the inventor was concerned that Americans might forget and show up at a 4^th of July party drenched in sweat—a very subtle reminder. I would hope that we’re not that dumb, but then again…

Context – “She looks great in that green jumper.”

Mate (n.) term of affection for friend, usually used in greeting.
We use this term for animals procreating, and they must be friends to do that. Hey, dad, what’s that monkey doing to the other one?

Context – “Good afternoon, mate.”

Mutt’s nuts (phrase) something that is excellent.
Yeah, I do not know many people who would think these are excellent. Maybe this is where the term “mate” comes in (see mate)?

Context – “That was beautiful; it was the mutt’s nuts!”

Yank (n.) an American, shortened from Yankee.
The author has the strange feeling that it means something else when our backs are turned, but so far has been unable to confirm this despite repeated attempts at covert observation disguised as a lamp.

Context - “The Yanks forget they’re working for a British company.”

Zed (n.) the letter “Z”
Somehow it gains a vowel and consonant. Who knows. The Brits seem to claim that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Context – “You Yanks with your zed’s in every other word.”

silly sex

rich and creamy, and oh so dreamy,

who dost in my garden play?

among flowers, we'll play for hours,

and see what comes today.

to play with roots

among owls' hoots

beneath my tree we lay.

speak softly, dove,

lest we're heard of

and can't do what we may.

laugh and cry out,

sing on and shout,

tomorrow shall we play?

and now, the news.

homelife: well, beansprout is either going to learn how to communicate with squirrels or develop a strong desire to become a park ranger with the amount of time we spend on playgrounds in parks. off we go in a little bit. some of her other favorite activities: running around in circles in the living room while half-way singing "jeepers creepers" (sounds like: "jeepers! jeepers! where [garbled] jeepers! where did you get the those eyes?!" times infinite- "peepers" is not in the vocab yet. it's very cute) or dressing up in a ballerina outfit or a cinderella dress from disney and running around yelling "princess! princess!" =)

news: no idea. um, the house bubble is supposed to be bursting any moment now?

sports: UF beat georgetown, but UT lost. that means i still have one school that i am attached to in the running (i didn't finish my degree at UT and i'm working on one from UF). elite 8! finally, i'm apart of a school that can win something. this will be my sole future criterion for selecting my next grad school.

weather: florida.

and now, a word from our sponsors...

--brio

saturday saturday

parents' flight is delayed. they'll be getting in an hour later. maybe we can take beansprout out to some place fun like chuck e cheese. i'll bet she'd enjoy that.

this morning, i went to costco. i just wandered around. i was going through a fixed behavior, didn't know what to do. there wasn't anything i needed. walked around the store, up and down every aisle. i don't even know how long i was there. 1/2 hour? 1 hour? the human mind is a funny thing.

anger

what are the depths of anger
that you would actually hurt something?
or something you love?
supposedly.
and yet you do,
over and over.
you know what they meant.
i know you'd read it here.
care preaches caution,
something you should try more often.

i'm back

i'm back from my week in orlando. aced the iaitam course exam-- 143 questions, handwritten, 25 minutes. go team, go. should get results by monday. i hope this one guy in our class passed. not every class has one, but he was an absolute stress monkey. one of those types who is constantly vying for attention, but not quite eliciting positive attention. friendly, nice guy, just needs to slow it down and try to take life a little easier. and now, i'm officially on vacation. well, not exactly, i have to go in on monday to file my expense receipts for the past 3-4 weeks. also, i need to double-check my forecast before i submit (26 p&l's, 36 months, >50 projects); that's a big excel spreadsheet, friends. plus it's reportable to board level. ack.

parents fly in tomorrow. not sure how that's going to work out. we have some things we need to work out amongst ourselves, plus coordinating to see beansprout. she's not handling all of this so well, but i don't know what else i can do. and then, the Great Southeastern Car Trip from DC through VA, NC, SC, GA, and FL. 1300 miles. 5-6 days.

oh, i've received my first grades in class. holding a B- in econ; A- in writing. no grades yet for accounting. not bad all things considered. i might even be willing to attempt them sober. ;) i love distance education.

--brio

a comet in the night

eyes to the sky

feet to the stars in worship,

my comet's tail

ensures without fail

you in its hard, fiery grip.

back to the ground,

leaves rustle their warm applause;

the high, half moon

will be waxing soon,

and come for its happy cause.

just wondering

sold on a kiss

bought on a smile

who knew

you'd make it all worthwhile

you did, my dear,

how, i don't know.

i swore

not anytime soon or so.

wicked magic?

a witch's charm?

i never thought--

another on my arm?

Morning

I lay sheltered amont vibrant fields

kissed by the morning dew

lush green holding, tickling me,

me holding, tickling you.

Your fingertips' lingering touch

from a soft summer afternoon

sugary lemonade by a honeyed tongue

pink as rose in bloom.

Love me and leave me there

in sleep's starry skies;

your smile as my blanket

to cover me at sunrise.

heuristically hermeneutic

Adj.

1.

hermeneutic - interpretive or explanatory

i don't like this word. i don't know why, saw it in an article and it just seems like such a useless word.

Preaching the End of the World by Chris Cornell

Hello, I know there’s someone out there
Who can understand
And who’s feeling the same way as me
I’m twenty-four and I’ve got everything to live for
But I know now that it wasn’t meant to be
’cause all has been lost and all has been won
And there’s nothing left for us to save
But now I know that I don’t want to be alone today
So if you find that you’ve been feeling just the same

(Chorus)
Call me now it’s alright
It’s just the end of the world
You need a friend in the world
’cause you can’t hide
So call and I’ll get right back
If your intentions are pure
I’m seeking a friend for the end of the world

I’ve got a photograph, I’ll send it off today
And you will see that I am perfectly sane
Not for a lifetime or forever and a day
’cause we know now that just won’t be the case

Chorus

There will be no commitment and no confessions
And no little secrets to keep
No little children or houses with roses
Just the end of the world and me
’cause all has been gone and all has been done
And there’s nothing left for us to say
But we could be together as they blow it all away
And we can share in every moment as it breaks

Chorus

Thursday

No HNT. I don't have a camera. =( Last real day of IAITAM class though. I spent my time fruitfully-- I completed my 3Q forecasts. yay! I read 172 pages of IAITAM material in preparation for our 100 question certification exam tomorrow. Let's see, 100 questions, I am going to guess that it will take... it's all hand-written, no multiple choice...

the first pic is a picture of my old team when the last i was in england and debuted the world premier of the american british dictionary i have been working on. i'll post some of it here when i feel like it. one of those people is my boss, two of them are teammates, one is me, and one is another director.
discussion point. How does the big, red soldier thing make you feel? What do you think his or her name is? Is it a he or a she? :P

just a simple song

susurration succors

among saying seas

eliciting an amative aubade

among swaying trees.

i sing to the renascent sun

of rebirth

and combine calm comity

with the desiderata of mirth.

here, my rose sub rosa,

can we be,

if, you follow hand-in-hand

to this sea.

allergies

I'm allergic to home

as if I don't belong here

or to its caretakers.

so i clutch my fear

since I can't forgive

me and the home

where I really live.

watching you almost understand

I watch you read

and I read your

dawning realization.

I sense your need

there's something for

spawning such idealization.

how quickly it goes

and I know it's gone

now that I see you.

how thickly it flows

now there's no bond

to hold us through.

alligators?

i had forgotten, but one of the guys in my class made a comment about swimming in a lake in orlando and the danger of alligators. suddenly, i remembered, i had just had a dream the other night where i was walking along a path at night. there was someone else with me, but i don't know who it was. all of a sudden, an alligator appears and manages to grab hold of my arm. i extricate my arm (no real damage) and begin wrestling with the alligator. some people might run, it seemed like a better idea to fight. i clamped his mouth shut with my hands, and then dragged him off somewhere in an attempt to neutralize him long enough to get away. that's all i remember. don't know what that means.

Courtesy of Maljonic's Dreams: "This cold-blooded animal could hold several different meanings in your dream. It could symbolically represent something from your memory, emotions, or a current situation or individual in your life. Some think that the alligator represents verbal power used in a destructive way (angry and hurtful words). Others believe that it represents an enemy. Consider the details in your dream and your level of fear. This dream symbol should encourage you to look at some of your more "dangerous" emotions, memories, and experiences. The alligators in your dreams will begin to lose the power to frighten you as your understanding increases."

hmm.

learning fact: if you poke an alligator in his eyes, he will open his mouth. also, their jaw muscles are very strong closing, but very weak openeing.

Acheron

Forked obol in mouth

From tainted blood

That became thick when dried

As a sullied river with mud.

Closed eyes.

Black.

I fumble for you to cross Acheron

In a small soul.

Charon accepts my

Chipped coin with a wry smile

Of crooked cracked.

Asleep.

Your leading cries grow

then fade.

When you feel

I’ve turned away.

I’m desperate-

Falling to find you

I claw the dirt.

There must be some trace:

Scent, print, tears.

There. It cuts me.

I stumble across

A sharp realization of your fears.

I have to find you.

Cerberus, you must believe me,

I didn’t look back

At a yawning, dying plight,

Only forward to her leading light.

happiness is a 2 year old

pics from my visit with beansprout! we walked to the park nearby and spent some time there playing on the playground. then, we walked back, ate some yogurt, and played with her trainset. she dressed up as a ballerina right before i had to leave, so we took a picture.

checking in from the great beyond

as i wrote the title, i reflected on my penchant for melodramatic descriptions. hmm. anyway. i learned something yesterday. i can pack up everything i own in less than half an hour and it all fits into a hyundai (2/2 on this controlled experiment: '00 Something and an '05 Sonata). actually, i learned several things yesterday to add to that. i have some great friends, the kind that when the chips are down, will be there for me. i can't express that well enough. i took a picture of something i had made for beansprout at a parent's evening at the school a few weeks ago that i wanted to post here.

love bee

happy birthday

happy birthday to me.

well, it was yesterday.

1,2,3,4

life in riddles.

1. i love texas. the people are so friendly. especially old acquaintances.
2. 13.1.20.20 7:1-5. ip through plaintext substitution. then?
3. i'm reading stuart: a life backwards-- it's a british non-fiction book that explores the social system and the life of the homeless in the uk.
4. 143 rosetta.

inspiration

inspiration strikes.

absolutely worst songs to listen to right now (the anti top-5):
across the universe by fiona apple
a kiss to build a dream on by louis armstrong
what a wonderful world by louis armstrong [man, louis, today is not your day]
any country song
any song by norah jones
extra credit #6 - wishlist by pearl jam

the top 5:
the frayed ends of sanity by metallica
king of the rotten by corrosion of conformity
manifest by sepultura
awake by godsmack
break stuff by limp bizkit

ah, sweet catharsis. even if i had to bring something puerile as limp bizkit into the picture.

...

don't know what the title should be. there is a lot of traffic here waiting for something to be posted. not sure what that post should be. so here it is. nothing.

where to go from here?

i don't know. i feel like each way i turn that there is a brick wall. everyone has the best intentions, i don't doubt that, but they're not listening. i was told i wasn't being mocked about a comment that i had found a calmer place, the individual was only being facetious. wow. sounds like the same thing to me. and then today, i emoted that i wasn't feeling supported because it seemed like it was only a one-way dialogue of lectures, the response i got was an unstifled laugh to indicate such disbelief that my pointing this out was a one-way dialogue itself. no matter how bad a situation or what you feel about it, i can't help but feel that a little bit of empathy can go a long way and never leads down this path. trying to fix everything usually does.

thoughts on religion

i've always been a little uncomfortable with places of worship. you go through the motions, various calisthenics of genuflection and rite, say this, say that, a few minutes of packaged pondering, and then out the doors. that's what i love about shabbat dinner and the special meal celebrations. it's just family and friends. it's within the spirit and bond of your home. you follow some ritual, but it can't help but be intensely personal (i make an effort to make it more ecumenical and inclusive for visiting friends) because it's such a small, intimate crowd that you really will touch them. plus, what could be more spiritual than a meal? it's one of the most basic elements of humanity. the spirituality is not forced upon you, but rather consumed and digested to feed the soul as the food and drink feed the body. i can't think of a better way to celebrate life and spirituality when it is done properly. the idea of going to a third party just seems strange to me. i understand and appreciate that this does not appeal to everyone and that some people very much enjoy the feeling of greater community and structure.

cartoons

one ea. conservative and liberal cartoon. conservative cartoons are really hard to find-- it took me about half an hour. if any of you know where i can find a frequently updated place for these, then please post it in comments.

broken bee

It’s a terrible day—

the wind and rain lash the house furiously

working in concert to tear it away.

I happen to glance out the window,

And there, on the windowsill,

Clutching a potted lily,

Is a bumblebee:

Wings are too wet to fly

Antennae drooping down

No shelter from the deluge

That causes this bee to drown.

Little bug ambles awkwardly

Not used to such rough ground

Instead of soaring among flowers

Though he’s lost his will to bound.

[picture]

morning

still in the uk. it's about noon, and i've just been lying in bed doing nothing. i guess i ended that streak by blogging here. i'm just very tired. there is just too much going on.

Keswick

The "w" is silent. Keswick is a sleepy little town in the Lake District in England. Ah, but why, dear reader, are we interested? The answer is in the attached pictures. I won't tell you why. Those who know, will know; those who won't, too bad.

"For over five decades the Bryson's name has been closely linked with the highest quality baked goods in the English Lake District, Cumbria.

We still bake our fresh local product in our Keswick bakery, our baked goods include Finest Fruit Cake, Lakeland Plum Bread and chocolate Florentines. These are all available from our bakery and other local shops.

A must when shopping in Keswick."

ouch.

bad joke: what do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
bad punchline: a good start.

i don't trust anybody that makes $500/hr. to advise you on a course of action; how can it not involve paying them more?...

--barely buzzing bee

one sentence updates al a Hemingway

I am here.
I am in the UK.
I am tired.
I cannot get on site.
Security was not taken care of.
You should not end a sentence with a preposition.
I don't care.
I am tired.
I said that already.
When will I see Emma again?
I don't know.
Life is sweet and bitter.
I treasure the sweet.
I stomach the bitter.

"If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry." Farewell to Arms.