georgetown :(

yeah, that's it.

shh... don't tell anyone

i had another good day, which do you know what that means? i had a good week. the whole week! can you believe it!? nice guys can finish in first place sometimes. cool. audit went nothing like i expected today. the auditor was incredibly impressed with my ideas and where i'm taking the division. i just can't wait to see what the final outcome looks like. i'm at the beginning of yet another journey with a vision, but i really want to know what it's going to look like by the end of this year. will it be as easy as i market it to be? will i really make a big difference? everyone around me seems to think so, but how profound an effect will it be? this is the part i like, i like creating the vision and kicking it off. once it gets off the ground, then i get bored. but, now i've put together a 2-3 year plan with this part only being the beginning, so it's long-term, changing plan. first, iso9k to set the foundation for iso20k and more. should be cool. spekaing of cool, tonight was awesome. i had a great time in old town alexandria. i can't remember the last time i was there for an evening. good times! :) the only thing i can complain about is when they end and i have to go home.

Another good day

Wow, this could be a trend, I another good day in a row. I've also gone running and did my yoga two days in a row. The weather's beautiful. Took a nice little drive through some gorgeous blossoming cherry trees this afternoon too. One could almost forget that I have an audit this Friday. Damn, I did. Damn it. I'm sure it will go fine, but now I'm there for a full work day. Not quite what I wanted.

School is really demanding this semester. Paper due this Friday. 2 Team projects due after Easter which require the 2 weeks previous (now) to get together. Quiz on the 16th. Another individual project. Another case analysis. Then, I have at least one project due every week until finals in May. Blech. Not like I haven't whined about this enough, but well, it's my page. I'll do what I want.

For you poetry readers, there is plenty in the works, I just need the time to get it out.

Oh, just got confirmation that I'm in the Pink Elephant ITIL Service Manager Class. This is a graduate equivalent class in an IT best practice methodology. So, I'll be doing two graduate programs at once this summer. Who says I'm not a glutton for punishment. The syllabus only says: "Additionally, you should prepare to commit at least 300 hours of study time – including classroom time – to successfully complete the certification." 300 hours over a 3 month window for 2 days of exams in August. At least I'll only be taking 6 credits over the summer for my MBA.

Hot Damn

Today was a good day (yesterday was pretty cool [said with that voice I use when I say those two words for those of you who know me] too). Consultant left and validated my assessment as well as squared me away for the long-term. In addition, he noted that a process that usually takes 18-24 months is doable in 4 months because of me. I'm gonna tack that one up on the internal Me-Wall. And, finally I can slow down on my work schedule which has consumed me entirely for the past 3 weeks. However, that would appear to be just in time for my MBA to ramp itself up. Oh well, we'll get balance eventually.

Had a conversation with the ex to try to lock down the visits with Beansprout next week and later in April. That went awry pretty quickly, and I'm not sure why. I hope things better, but it might be some time before that's even possible.

katie couric

i guess i'd just never paid attention before, but katie couric is annoying.

georgetown and florida won. the two teams i have for the finals. 3/4 - picked kansas over ucla.

Interesting Personality Assessment

Potential negative reaction(s) from others on my degree of

Agreeableness:
"For people who are ruled by tender-hearted compassion, your more diplomatic response to problems might seem too cool, too focused on fairness and not filled enough with sympathy and selflessness.

For them, when someone's life is on fire, what is needed is not collaboration but rescue. And the person who experiences their life on fire may resent the time you take to contemplate. "I need you, and I need you NOW! This isn't about fairness, it's about the fire." "All deliberate speed" may seem too deliberate and not fast enough, either to the more compassionate or to people in genuine trouble."


Conscientiousness:
"Some people live like Marines: duty-bound, disciplined and driven. To these people you might seem uncommitted; where they would never leave work for play or change plans in the middle of their life's forced march, you let the circumstance sway you and move in a different direction, and they don't understand.

Others live like kites on a string, attached by thin threads to the solid ground of responsibility and are blown about by every gust of impulse or imagination. To these people you might seem too cowardly, like you'll flirt with your impulses but never give in fully, play on a Saturday but never blow of the entire work-week to "follow your bliss".

While these Marines and kite-flyers might look down on you for your combination of focus and flexibility, others might be envious. They can't free themselves from a sense that they're not doing enough, or from the equally frustrating feeling that they're not free enough.

And here you are with your accomplishments and your pleasures, getting the job done but also getting your hair blown back as you run with the wind. As far as these people are concerned, you're lucky you've got the best of both of the worlds in which they feel they fail."

owie

could be peaking over the precipice of failure for the first time in my professional career. yeah, i'm not trained, the schedule has been condensed to the point of insanity, and i have little support (hmmm... why is everyone else in at 8 and gone by 4?), but still... :(

well, do my best, see if i can get the dates pushed out, and hopefully hire someone to do this right so i can get on with my real job.

Life is a Myth

Eros is dying together
to save Psyche from
Hell's empty cold
and striving forward
as Sisyphus
or Orpheus trusting bold.
Don’t look back,
carry your Herculean
burden without complaint
and not stolen
by Celaeno
or Charon’s decaying taint.

Mythology Primer:
I switched back and forth between the Latin and Greek names depending on how it suited me.

Eros – commonly known as Cupid represents love.

Psyche – the most beautiful woman in the world, so beautiful that Aphrodite/Venus grew jealous and sent Eros to make her fall in love with the ugliest thing he could devise. Instead, he took one look at her and fell in love himself. One of the tasks she undertakes involves going to the Underworld, ie – Hell. Starting to see how it all comes together. ;)

Sisyphus – a mortal cursed by Zeus to an eternity in Tartarus (a hellish part of the underworld) of rolling up a boulder to the top of a hill that continually rolls back down.

Orpheus – his wife, Eurydice, dies from a snake bite. He mourns her through his songs which are so bittersweet that he is advised to go to the underworld to convince Hades and Persephone. They agree on the condition that he goes back without looking back at her.

Hercules / Heracles– the premier mythological hero who was set multiple tasks by the Gods to prove himself, the twelve labors (it started as 10, but Eurystheus was a jealous asshole) (from wiki – I’m continually amazed how much accurate information that place has, wow, it had all of them in a nice little column):
1. The Nemean Lion.
2. The Lernaean Hydra.
3. The Ceryneian Hind.
4. The Erymanthian Boar.
5. The Augean Stables.
6. The Stymphalian Birds.
7. The Cretan Bull.
8. The Mares of Diomedes.
9. The Girdle of Hippolyte.
10. The Cattle of Geryon.
11. The Apples of Hesperides.
12. The Capture of Cerberus.

Celaeno – “the dark(ness)” – one of the three harpies that plagued Phineas. Thought to be the physical manifestation of the destructive nature of the wind—swooping down to constantly hound.

Charon – the ferryman in Hades who ferried souls across the river, Acheron-the river of woe, for the payment of a a coin (an obol or obulus). The Greeks and Romans would bury the dead with a coin under their tongue for this payment.

Another poem based on mythology I did some time ago. Similar themes are presented. Maybe this is a March ritual? A different kind of circadian rhythm? Acheron

I began this poem many months ago. On that note, I’m going to digress to close out this post. All art has a self-referential core that is the thread of integrity enabling a coherent product. However, I would ask not to presume to know this underlying piece. I have 40-50 pieces that I’m working on at any particular moment covering a wide spectrum of emotion, thought, and spirit. On my half, I promise to provide attendant notice of anything too disturbing that it is outside of me. I don’t want to provoke any unnecessary anxiety, only the necessary kind. ;)

Marathon

To get up to see,

To run what’s real

And breathe,

And feel,

And live

With each step

Through the pain.

When your lungs burn

You still push through

And go

Forward.

couples in a restaurant

So many are two

Man and woman

Woman and woman

Man and man

I wonder

if that is who they will spend forever with?
if they love each other with an intense passion?
if their dream sits across the table?

Or is it just dinner?

Age, ISO, and NCAA

Funny, in some parts of myspace, it already lists me as "29", but in my profile, I'm still 28. mmm... sweet glitchy snack! That's not supposed to make sense.

I have now completed my second ISO class in 3 weeks. The first was in mid-February down in Atlanta for ISO 20000 Consultant, this one was to be an ISO 9001 Internal Auditor. Big difference between the two. The first was primarily full of seasoned managers or consultants. The second, well... hmm... what's a nice way of saying "the dumbest people on the planet"? Next up, ITIL Service Manager in May through August. It's the equivalent of a graduate class in ITIL methodology. So, technically, I'll be doing 2 graduate programs at the same time this summer. haha, insanity awaits!

My NCAA picks, so far I'm 1/1 with Niagara's win. The final four will be Florida, Kansas, Georgetown, and OSU. Florida will be at Georgetown, 78-75. Upsets (I picked a few because our pool is weighted heavily that way): Winthrop over ND, Gonzaga over Indiana AND going on to beat UCLA, GW over Vandy, Oral Roberts over Washington State, and Creighton over Nevada. The Swami has spoken, now you may disagree and say impolite things about my lineage.

Mom and Dad, your Son isn't well

Metallic spit corrodes and digests

This hard carbon truth.

And though it’s fear on the trigger,

My hand shakes from something bigger.

Sullen tears seek only to rust

And arrest this action.

But death is quicker than quick

And kisses with its warming sick.

I'm sorry, I should have put a disclaimer when I first posted this piece. This is not a cry for help. These kinds of things should be taken very seriously and I should have noted otherwise. Thank you for your concern and I apologize for any anxiety that this may have caused.

On a side note, I originally was going to title this "...Daughter...", but thought that the picture looked more like a young man than a young woman (it's actually a woman). I wove this plot in my head of him struggling with himself and acceptance from his parents as a drag queen which is reinforced by his clothing. It reminded me a bit of Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

drinking my strawberry milkshake

it began with an awkward hug. but, awkward for who? i couldn't tell. you were beautiful-- how different from everything else in this place. yet, i could see in your eyes the cracked glass. you talked to me in drowned undertones of love and of pain: both topics that i couldn't help with. all i could do was feebly stare back at you and reach out to touch your hair like a little boy. you hugged me tightly with tears. and then, you were gone.

all i was left with was my strawberry milkshake alone.

It's all about you

Worship your chosen gods

With ersatz genuflection and understanding.

Outstretched on marble delivering mixed messages of hope

Tinged with fear and flight.

So, say a prayer, say something

Based on faith.

the day

from whence the headache that will inflict me tomorrow came...

The Moral of Mephistopheles

I can just because I can

Don't ask why

Has there ever been a need to?

Moral turbidity and turpitude is

No small rejoinder of this servitude.

If it’s honesty you seek

I’ll have it from the weak.

Pandering to this hypocrisy

Would be less than me,

But more than you.

I've been working on this poem for months. It was inspired by the movie, Thank you for Smoking. Great movie if you haven't seen it, highly recommended (A-).

drowned

today was the worst day of my life. i post this only so i will be left alone.

mirror?

Where is the know-it-all smile

that you offered so deliciously before?

Who fired the first shot?

Or does it even matter anymore?

You sit so quietly with your barbed wire serenity

and no one allowed in.

You were beautiful in your frailty

once etched by a confident, razor grin.

What shrine do you pray to or protect?

It looks like an empty well from here.

And maybe that's why

you really look away in fear.

When I think of you,

I picture flashing white over blushing skin;

Is there absolution in red?

Or have you left that too with your sin.

sunset

I remember the way that you smiled

When you had nothing to smile for.

Your eyes were a warm mischievous sky

With crinkling clouds that would soar.

How did that sun set and fade to blight

Basking my outstretched hands in its dying red streaks:

Indelible death throes of light.

Can you forgive and believe me

That these tears aren’t deceiving

And that’s my heart torn by the night.

update

spent the week in atlanta for iso20000 consultant training. very painful. very, very painful. some of my fellow students did little to ameliorate the pain. finished both exams in record time which was fortuitous because i was able to catch an earlier flight-- earlier in the sense that it was supposed to leave 2 hours before my booked one. however, we ended up delayed an hour in the airport and then an hour on the tarmac. another however, my original was canceled due to tornado's, so i'm not complaining. i'm increasingly amazed how much travel tires me out. when i am a bit more collected, i will post some information from the iso20000 course for those of you who may have to take it. maybe i should add an itil section to my sidebar-- might not be a bad idea. while i was in atlanta, i got to catch up with an old roommate. it was interesting to see how he has grown and matured through the years. just had his second kid, a daughter. congrats. plus, he's been going through a lot of the same as i have. so, i'm back in dc. now what? great question, i ask myself that almost every day. somehow i keep getting it wrong.